XYZ

While waiting for my tire repair at the bike shop recently an eager salesperson approached and said with enthusiasm, “How about a test ride!”  She stood proudly over a device that looked more like a sculpture than a bicycle.  “On that?” I asked.  “What is it?”  The frame was slender and elliptical, the tires so narrow they’d slip into any grate, and the pedals… well, there were no pedals actually, just little clips for little clippy bike shoes.  I lifted the entire unit up with my pinkie, it weighed much less than my Chihuahua, and had a price tag beyond what I paid for my kid’s braces.  I appeared skeptical and answered, “I’m kind of old-school.”  Undaunted, she pointed to a row of gleaming new bikes with lower but still exorbitant prices and said, “Old school? No problem, those are all made of steel.”

“Listen,” I started scornfully, “see that bike over there, the one with the squishy seat, actual pedals and milk crate strapped to the rear, that’s my bike, and it does everything I want a bike to do, which is get me from here to there, and burn me a few calories on the way.”

I mean that’s the point right?  The harder I pedal the more I sweat, the more I sweat the better I feel, the better I feel the more donuts I eat and donuts make me very happy.  It’s a simple equation really.

But there are drawbacks.  I’ve been biking to work lately.  I get up early and ride to the gym each morning, do some work-out stuff (more donuts), hurriedly change into my backpack-wrinkly clothes and dash to the office.  One morning last week I saw about a dozen patients before noon, and during my final encounter the father of the patient informs me that my fly was open.  Did you catch the part about this being my LAST encounter of the morning?  HELLOOOO!  Couldn’t someone have clued me in earlier?  How embarrassing!

Okay, so you’re wondering how I make the leap to pediatrics and parenting right?  Well I’ll tell you.  On the morning in question I was rushing and everything was crammed into my locker at the gym, I put on whatever I dug out first and bingo, the zipper got overlooked because I was out of sequence.  I was out of my routine.

See… it’s all about routine.

There are few things more important to success in parenting than consistency and routine.  From early on parents get a lot of mileage from this simple principle.  For example, I always suggest that parents of infants develop an organized and directive approach to their interactions with their baby.  As young as two months babies are capable of learning from their parents repetitive behaviors, like putting them down to sleep in the same place, with the same blanket, singing the same song, at the same time and in the same relationship to feedings, and doing the same with feedings, and nursing, etc.  Parents who behave in this organized manner are likely to have infants who do likewise, with predictable nap, bed and feeding times, readiness for weaning and so forth later in infancy.  And we all know how helpful it is to have babies and toddlers with predictable schedules.

The power of routine in parenting works at all ages, from preschoolers agreeably obeying the limits their parents set on television time to older kids arriving at the table hungry and more likely to eat because snacks are always restricted in anticipation of a consistent dinner time.

And vice versa, as parents who do not behave toward their kids in an organized, predictable manner are more likely to have children who behave in disorganized, unpredictable ways, i.e. without routines, making independent sleep and bedtime, family meals, homework and so forth more challenging than they could otherwise be.  I’m not pontificating here, believe me, I’ve already made the mistakes with my kids, and it was my zipper after all that needed examining.

One of my favorite guidelines for parents is “do now what you plan to do later, and don’t do now what you’ll have to change later on.”   Develop favorable  routines with your kids, you’ll never regret it.

But speaking of dressing, I’m reminded of the day I went to sign Louis up for kindergarten.  He had long before learned to dress himself and insisted on doing so without our assistance, so there were days he’d go to preschool dressed very oddly, wearing backwards shirts or extra hats!  The questionnaire was focused on development and school readiness of course, and one question asked, “Does your child dress him/herself?”  So I wrote my answer, “Yes.  So don’t blame us.”

Look, up in the sky, it’s….

According to many parents my name is invoked in a variety of circumstances at home.  For example, many fathers advise their preschoolers that “if you don’t eat your broccoli I’m going to take you to Dr. Sagan!”  Not uncommonly a child will tell their parent an office visit is needed, like the little girl who, while sitting in the bathtub looked between her legs and exclaimed, “Uh oh mommy, there’s a hole there, better go see Dr. Sagan!”  And of course I am often referred to in the heat of battle, “I’m not brushing my teeth and I don’t CARE what Dr. Sagan says!”

But today a mom told me one I really liked.  She said I’m quite the celebrity in their home.  She has three young kids, I’ve known them all since birth, and as she pointed to them in turn she said, “This one is Superman, this one dresses like Spiderman, and this one runs around with them shouting ‘I’m Dr. SAGAN!!!’”

I’m working on my superhero uniform now… could use some ideas for the insignia across my chest.

Summertime, and the giving is easy…

Swedish Covenant Hospital, like every business and community hospital, is struggling during the recession.  But instead of simply cutting costs on all fronts, our CEO insists that Swedish Covenant will weather this financial storm through growth and service.  That way, when the economic storm is winding down, we’ll be better off in every way, and so will our patients.

That impressed me.  Similarly, on a family level, and from a parenting perspective, this is a good time to let our kids know that despite the pinch we’re feeling, it is still important to be unselfish and caring, and if possible to help those less fortunate.  As our president says, it’s a difficult but teachable opportunity, a worthy life-lesson for our kids, who may someday say that “even when my parents were struggling they managed to help others whenever possible.”

And on a family level, times are really tough.  

A bunch of my patients’ parents have lost jobs this year.  I had a mom tell me last week that she’s “got a bit of seniority, but they’re letting more of us go and if I lose my job it’ll be the food lines for my kids!”  I got a father in my practice who sells the world’s most expensive sports cars to the most wealthy local families; He may be closing his doors for good soon.

So many sad and frightening real-life stories.  Most of us work real hard and the recession has hit almost everyone.  A little positive, optimistic spin won’t hurt, and I really feel this falls into the “modeling behavior” category as parents.

Our children see us cutting back, cancelling trips, dining out less often, shopping less, maybe they sense our worry or hear their parents discussing or arguing over finances.  I want my kids to hear about the situation in words and concepts they understand, and to know that while there is real fear and good reason for it, amidst the fear there is hope, and despite the fear there is still room for giving, still room for service.

So, we look for ways to serve, and here’s an easy one for you, real simple…

For every response to this blog one can of food will be donated by Swedish Covenant Hospital to the North Park Friendship Center, a nonprofit dedicated to alleviating hunger and poverty in this area.

C’mon now, I see all the visits this blog is getting… give that Reply button a click, click it to give.  Thanks.

Don’t Hover

A friend shared this story about his kids; One day, his 3 year old son came running into the room all flustered, whining about his 18 month old sister. “Daaaaaaad, tell Jenny to stop playing with my choking hazards!” Can you tell my buddy is a pediatrician?

My favorite childhood toy was an Erector Set. This was building kit that came in a red metal box full of hardware; screws, nuts, clips, metal pieces of all shapes, little motors, chains, pulleys and stuff. You could build about anything with it. Erector Sets were fantastic, albeit with more choking hazards, laceration and electrocution risks in one box than you’ll find in a modern toy store. I bought a vintage Erector Set at a garage sale a while ago; my son got some use out of it. He still has both eyes.

I had other favorites, like the Chemistry Set. Man, there must have been thirty little plastic bottles of chemical powders and solvents with beakers and even a burner. We would try to mix them up so they would boil or fizzle or blow up all the time!

How about Creepy Crawlers? Anyone remember those? This was a kit with tubes of colored goo that you would squirt into metal molds of insects, and cook in a little hot plate. Sure! We’d burn ourselves all the time, and probably croak if we would eat one of the rubbery little creations.

Somehow we managed to survive. We’d make holes in our jeans with our wood burning sets, have lots of near-misses with the Lawn Jarts, and inevitably burn our fingers with Mom’s iron while melting Crayola shavings in wax paper. Our parents were rarely supervising. To the contrary, in preparation for the Pinewood Derby at Cub Scouts my Dad simply handed me a wood carving set. Later I got mad at him for not helping, NOT because my car was so blood stained or because I had to wear so many bandages, but because I never figured out how to get the wheels on good, they fell off and I lost the race!

I guess I just figured I cut myself, it was my mistake, it was my problem. Obviously I was raised in the era before the personal injury lawyers became so… so… prevalent.

Now I don’t mean to suggest that my parents’ generation did it right. But somehow I became a pretty careful parent, and when I talk with parents about safety, which we do at each checkup, I try hard to help them walk that line between being cautious and fearful.

For example, I always urge parents of toddlers and preschoolers to keep their distance at the playground. You know, avoid being that hovering parent one step behind your child. The goal shouldn’t be to keep them from falling, but to let them learn that falling happens and you can still get up and try again. I urge them to watch carefully, to keep her from getting too high and redirect when he’s heading for the big kids on the swings and so forth. At that age learning from an occasional head boink or sore bum is worthwhile.

But it’s clear that thinking “safety first” just doesn’t come naturally to some parents. I have heard and seen so many examples over the years. One time, a father told me his two year old stuffed something into the toilet and while he was complaining how much the plumber cost, I was thinking, “It could have been a toxic ingestion, a fall down the stairs or a burn, and how did the child get from the ground floor to the second level without anyone knowing?”

I have some simple rules for age appropriate discussion with parents about safety, and I suggest parents consider these “rules” as ideal behaviors. After all, we all make mistakes, and I still shudder when thinking of some of mine. Anyway, here are some of the more common issues that come up:

Infant Falls
One of the most common urgent phone calls I get is, “The baby fell off the father’s chest when he fell asleep on the couch!” First, new parents need to realize that they are probably more tired than usual with a newborn waking them up each night, and fatigue impairs judgment. So be extra careful while carrying your baby on stairs, and when resting with the baby unsecured. Also, while we don’t expect infants to start rolling until 4-6 months of age, they are very capable of arching, writhing and thrusting themselves off any surface much earlier. Always have them secured or under hand when on top of any elevated surface.

Burns
The two most common ways I’ve seen patients get burned are when they get underfoot in the kitchen or when they yank at something you are holding, like a cup of tea. There are two little pearls of practical parenting I like to mention in the office. First, “do now what you plan to do later, and don’t do now what you don’t want to undo later.” So, while we all looked cute playing drums on the pots and pans in front of the kitchen cabinets, it’s really a safer policy to not teach your toddler that the kitchen floor is a play area. Another little bit of advice is to think about child safety in developmental terms. For example, between about six and nine months babies get real good at seeing, reaching, grabbing and pulling. So keep that in mind when you’re holding your child in one arm, have the phone tucked into your neck and are holding a cup of coffee in the free hand. Reach, grab and pull! Ouch!

Foreign Body Ingestions
Another way to think developmental safety involves ingestions, or swallowing things you shouldn’t. For late infants and toddlers, “Everything goes in the mouth” is what it amounts to, right? So ideally a parent would always know where their child is and what’s in the child’s hands. Sounds simple, but many parents don’t think this way. That’s why the “childproofing” concept has value. For example, when your child is starting to crawl or walk, it never hurts to take a moment on your hands and knees and look around the rooms from their perspective. You’ll be surprised what you might find between the couch cushions, or under the frill of the carpet edge! Coins, popcorn kernels, I even knew a boy who got lint stuck in his windpipe and had to have it removed!

Choking on Food
Talk about a downer topic during a happy doctor visit checkup! But having been through some disastrous cases of choking early in my career, I feel it very important to remind parents about choking risk with food. I have some simple rules, and I know I’m going to catch a bunch of you on this one… First, ALL EATING AND ALL DRINKING SHOULD OCCUR SEATED WITH AN ADULT PRESENT. (Told you.) Second, YOU MUST ALWAYS KNOW WHAT IS IN YOUR CHILD’S MOUTH. All the food choking incidents I have dealt with over the years occurred during meals, when the parents did not realize how many fries or how much bread the child had stuffed in there! The near miss choking events occurred when parents let their children play actively with candy in their mouths. I don’t think preschoolers should have hard candy, period, but if they do, seated with an adult present. And for meal time, place portions of food thoughtfully on the plate and watch carefully, so you’ll never have a scare.

See, nobody likes talking about that kind of thing, but I hope you see it’s important, and once you start focusing on safety you’ll probably be a little frightened watching how other parents behave in playgrounds and restaurants and such, I know I am!

Okay, one little story relating to personal injury lawyers…

I was called for jury duty a few years ago, and the case involved some poor guy who stepped into a pothole and broke his ankle. So he’s suing the city, and I’m in the pool of potential jurors. I’m thinking “How do I get out of this without telling a lie?” The plaintiff’s attorney was a young guy, not too sharp, and at one point he puts a question to the potential jurors as a group, “Would you be able to find in favor of my client, award him money, by applying the rule of law, even if you didn’t agree with the law?” Juror number 1? “Yes” Juror number 2? “Yes.” Number 3? “Yes” until he gets to number 10, me, and I saw my chance! So I answer kind of iffy. And he pauses, “Doctor, you seem hesitant?” “Well,” I started, “I would be able to follow the judge’s directions to the letter of the law, but I have to say, I think people ought to take responsibility for their actions.”

Suddenly Juror number 8, a little soft-spoken elderly lady raises her hand and nearly jumps out of her seat shouting, “Me too!”

Boys and Girls

When I was an impressionable college student back in the 80’s I learned that boys and girls were the same.  No really!  First, realize that feminism was rampant in Madison, on the streets, in the classrooms, and the party-line held that there was no nature, only nurture, meaning that parents made girls into girls by dressing them in pink and giving them dolls to play with, and vice versa with boys, you know, toy soldiers and trucks and stuff.  I bought that nonsense too, until of course I became a pediatrician and parent, and realized most boys can’t help but rip the heads of f of dolls, turn ANYTHING into a gun, and don’t care whether you dressed them in pink, blue or gender neutral green.

My uncle was telling me a story from back then.  Seems he got into a little politically incorrect trouble talking about ‘boys being boys” with someone at the office, so he asked his wife, who was a pretty sharp family therapist, about the differences between boys and girls.  Now they had two young school-aged boys, and she answered, “You want to know the difference, watch them go to the bus sometime.”  So the next morning watching from the front porch he notes the girls walking in little groups directly to the bus stop, where they wait patiently, chatting.  But when his boys hit the sidewalk, one finds a stick and starts whipping it around like a sword, the other picks up a handful of pebbles to toss at the trees, and after a bit of wrestling and further meandering, they dash to the bustop only after the bus is heard coming down the street.  He walked inside, picked up his briefcase, and said to his wife, “I get it.”

For those of you who bring your kids to me, you know I always finish our checkup visits with a little “what to expect before the next visit” talk.  It’s always a little heads-up about behavior, the next “stage” so to speak, and I try to manage your expectations a little bit to help you avoid surprises or disappointments, frustrations, etc.  Pediatricians call this “anticipatory guidance,” and you may have noticed my comments start to get pretty gender specific around 18 months of age.  That’s because you really start to see the differences in behavior between most boys and most girls around then.

In fact, it often seems there are few things I can teach an experienced parent, but when I have one in the office who’s only raised girls and is soon to experience a darling son’s startling  metamorphosis into a toddler boy (yikes!), I have loads to say, like “forget about getting anything done around the house for the next couple years.”  I mean there’s a reason why parents of toddler/preschool girls seem so calm compared to parents of boys, who appear so frazzled!  Likewise I try to soften the blow for the mother who is about to have her sweet little girl start averting eyes and give mom silent treatments, or let a frustrated father know that even though his big boy repeats the same infraction every single day no matter how many times he’s told no, it’s “normal,” that every day his son wakes up a toddler boy, and every day Dad wakes up the parent of a toddler boy, and we do it all again.  “My daughter was never like that, he just doesn’t seem to get it!”

So what do I have?  Two boys, and I’ve always been a little thankful for that, because they’re easier.  I mean, they tend to wear it on their sleeves so to speak, you know what your dealing with, emotionally for the most part.  I always found little girls harder to read.  Maybe its different for mothers, kind of vice versa.  In any case it seems many of the fundamental differences between boys and girls simply evolve over time, for we all know men and women really do seem to come from different planets.

But THAT’s another story…

Thinking like a child.

I observed an interesting and timely interaction in the office last week.  A mom and I were speaking about discipline strategies while she held her 18 month old son in her arms.  As we talked the boy started patting her on the cheek trying to get her attention, and after she repeatedly brushed his hand away from her face he finally whacked her and quickly bit her in the shoulder!  She yelped!  After composing herself she turned to him, took hold of his hand, looked him in the eye and softly stroking his hand against her cheek said soothingly, “No hitting honey, be gentle, see, no hitting, be gentle with mommy.”

Sound familiar?

So which would be your response?

a) The way she did it, because it teaches important life lessons about aggression and consideration.

b) Sit him down, take his hand and give it a good slap while saying, “NO HITTING!”

d) Put him down on the floor, tell him sharply ”no hitting,” and ignore him for a minute or so.

Well I don’t know about you, but I’m voting for the last one.  He’s 18 months old, ready to misinterpret the hand-slap as “I hit, you hit harder, but I still get your attention,” and at this irrational age he’s not likely to imbibe the life lessons.  In fact, all he knows is he did something that got mom’s attention and a dramatic reaction to biting that was worth the effort!  So while this mom thought she was teaching him to be gentle, from his perspective she effectively told him, “See, if you hit or bite me you get my attention, and I say something sweet sounding to you, look at you lovingly, touch you gently, so keep doing it, Okay?”  So putting him down with a stern negative rebuke, then ignoring him effectively says, “If you hit me, I will not hold you close for a while, and you won’t like that,” without saying it since he wouldn’t understand the words yet.  It’s like a toddler version of a solid time-out.

Of course, avoiding and redirecting would have been the better solution in the first place, but not always possible, and the point is that it’s helpful for parents to think like their child when considering discipline strategies, because it’s very easy to send the wrong message if you think like an adult.

There was a hilarious clip on America’s Funniest Videos a while back.  A toddler in full face-down-fist-pounding-feet-kicking-screaming tantrum mode was on the floor, her father standing over her.  The mother was holding the camera around the corner, and gave Dad a signal.  As the child shrieked the father quietly walked to the next room, then realizing she was alone on the floor she stopped her tantrum cold, spotted her father, walked quietly to him then fell to the floor and resumed her tantrum without missing a beat!

Which illustrates that most tantrums your child throws are somewhat manipulative.  In young kids I think of tantrums as the child’s way of asking, “How do I get what I want?  Let’s try this!”  And as they get older, if parents tend to respond to the tantrum they’re kind of thinking, “This works often enough, I’ll try it again.”

So many frustrated parents I’ve known through the years had to learn this the hard way.  Those toddler years set the tone.  It’s wise to get going on this style of parenting and discipline early-on.  Another way to think of it is to avoid reinforcing the behaviors you don’t want to encourage.  Since the primary reinforcement your toddler wants is your attention, make sure you don’t give it for behaviors you hope to discourage.  Your lack of attention is saying more than anything you could actually say, emphatically stating, “THAT behavior will NOT get the attention you seek!”

Which is why it is always recommended to simply walk away from a tantruming child.

An older-child illustration that occurs commonly is belly aches.  Statistically, “abdominal pain” is one of the most frequent presenting complaints in pediatric practice, and certainly the complaint that most often occurs without an actual “pathology” as cause.  Of course there are plenty of cases with “real” diagnoses like constipation, urinary tract infections, acid reflux and so forth, so I ask a lot of questions to see if the answers point me in a direction.  But when all those answers are “no” and it turns out the child never complains around anyone but the mother, doesn’t miss school or activities due to discomfort, hasn’t lost appetite and so forth, it’s pretty likely that the reason for the complaint is attention-seeking.

And in most of those cases when I ask the right questions I learn that there is a newborn in the home, or a father with a job that takes him away from the home a lot, or simply a sense that the child is having a little trouble with the independence the parents are encouraging.  Think like a child.

So in the end, although a lot of parents seem to have trouble “thinking like a child,” it’s not hard if you think of it as a parental responsibility.  Isn’t it our responsibility to let our kids know what behaviors are acceptable or not?  Sure!  That’s all it is really, one of our jobs as parents.

Now I’m trying to figure out if this works for spouses.  I’m sure my wife would agree, and suggest I title this “Acting like a child!”

How we behave.

Years ago I happened to be home one day during my son’s piano lesson.  His teacher back then was a very formal, classy and beautiful Russian woman exquisitely dressed and intoxicatingly perfumed, who would cozy up next to Sam on the bench and teach him to play classical music with passion.  So this day as he’s finishing up a lovely sonata or something I walk by and the teacher says to me proudly, “Eh Dad, what about that!  It was Mozart! Sounds great  huh?” 

I answer, “Yeah, pretty nice… but it’s not Springsteen.”

She wasn’t amused.

Did I mention I love Bruce Springsteen? 

Last night I saw him for about the sixth time.  How nice going to a concert knowing that I’m not the oldest or most bald person in the house.  The entire E-Street Band and half the crowd studied high school algebra before handheld calculators were invented.

What a crowd too!  There were three forty-something “dudes” in front of me, like a skit from Saturday Night Live; Dufus, Dodo and DumDum, smoking dope, drinking beer and wiggling while making eyes at the women dancing in the aisles.  One guy (the one who offered me a toke, “Are you serious!”) actually looked and acted like Will Ferrel!

But despite the dopeheads it was really a family show!  Kids got to sing along with the mike, the Boss never cursed even once, and the drummer Max Weinberg’s 18 year-old son took over on drums for much of the set, which was kind of neat and cool because he plays with a lot of intensity.  Way different than his father.  Jeeez, you know Springsteen is almost 60 years old!  Unbelievable.

My wife was with me last night and she was totally into it.  What a great time.  A few tours ago I actually took that same son of mine to see Springsteen, but he fell asleep and we had to leave early.  I wanted to let him see that his Dad can still rock a bit, but what can you do, I mean he was only ten and it was way past bed time.

Even last night I called my boys on the cell phone to let them listen-in for a while, and it got me thinking how much of what our kids become, so to speak, depends upon what we model as parents.

I mean it’s important to me that my boys see me behave in ways I hope they will someday emulate.  I want them to see their Dad being youthful, to watch me being kind to animals or playful with kids down the street, to join me when I go to check on an elderly neighbor during a storm.  I want my kids to hear me ask about their day, to hear me say “glad to see you,” and see me hug their mom and tell her I love her.  It matters, it all really matters.  It goes into their little heads and becomes part of their experience and hopefully someday influences their own behavior.  How else do they learn that doing the right thing is good, all by itself, and that being considerate, unselfish and kind is worthwhile?

Modeling behavior has a lot of impact, good behavior, and not so good behavior.  Goes both ways.  So often we focus on how our children behave, and how to discipline and teach to get them behaving as we want.  But I think perhaps what influences our kids in the most lasting way is more simple than any discipline method or strategy that I teach – it’s just how you behave.  Just how your kids see you behave.

So ROCK ON Daddy-O!

What’s necking?

Parenting is getting a little more dicey around my home lately.  We have a cozy little room in our basement with a decent television and comfy couch.  I think it’s becoming the make-out place in the house.  Yesterday my 13 year-old kind of forwarned me that he was planning on having his (latest) girlfriend over for a movie.  I agreed but reminded him that it would not be appropriate to be in there with the lights off, nor would it be right to be doing any necking at his age. 

“What’s necking?” he says.

Just the other day his (slightly) older brother was down there with his girlfriend, and when I came down and flipped on the hall light, kind of to announce myself, “Helllllo!” came their startled response from within the darkened love nest.

Actually brought back fond memories.  On the other hand…

My uncle once told me a story.  He has two boys, and one day when they were about six and eight, they were all peacefully watching TV when some kissy scene came on and the younger one suddenly asks, “Hey Dad, how come when I see people kissing my penis gets hard?”  And the older blurts, “Yeah, me too, what’s up with that?”

My uncle was caught off-guard and at a loss for words, all he could come up with was, “Uhh, it means everythings working okay guys.”

Now I’ve always been a totally up front, answer anything kind of dad.  ANYTHING.  I figure it’s better they hear the truth or reality from me in terms they understand, so they’re prepared for the nonsense they’ll get from their peers.  But parenting around this budding sexuality is kind of tricky.  It’s one of those areas I feel you have to be pretty thoughtful about because there are a lot of issues involved; teaching age-appropriate behaviors, deciding what age-appropriate behaviors are!  Teaching respect and caution.  Deciding how much reality to reveal, wanting them to be prepared but still experience coming-of-age stuff first-hand.  You know, don’t want them making big mistakes but do want them learning some things by discovery, making their own mistakes, elation, heartbreak, etc.  I mean there’s a lot going on here!

Now my boy knows all too well what necking is, he just never heard that archaic term used.  (I tried “snogging” on the older boy, which I learned from Harry Potter.  Same reaction.)

Tricky little mine field isn’t it, parenting, sometimes.

Great Parenting Resources

Last week quite a few parents in the office commented about this blog.  Some seemed to like the funny pieces, others the informative ones, and a couple focused on the parenting related stuff.  Thank you all and I encourage you to write something in return if you like, but thanks for reading either way.

As you must know, as of tonight we (humans) are threatened with a possible influenza pandemic.  It was suggested that I write something about the situation on this blog, but to be honest, you can do much better if you wish to be informed.  I urge you to visit an authoritative website like that provided by the Centers for Disease Control (see below) for the most up to date information on this situation.  By the time I finish this blog the situation will have changed significantly.  So the situation is fluid and the CDC is where everyone looks at times like this for clarity and guidance.

Which got me thinking maybe you’d like to hear about some other really excellent parenting resources that I reference often.

www.cdc.gov – This is where you start, and probably end for info on the current swine flu epidemic.  From the internationally prestigious Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, this authoritative website is easy to use for both health care professionals and the public.  Here you will find the most reliable information on vaccine safety, international travel preparation, current epidemics and recommended therapy for every infectious disease you can imagine, and many you can’t!

www.AAP.org - The American Academy of Pediatrics is truly dedicated to the health and well-being of all children, and their policies are followed by pediatricians far and wide.  The AAP site is parent friendly, with the “official word” on all the hot pediatric topics of the moment, like vaccine safety, car seat usage, over the counter drug usage and the like.  This is where pediatricians go to find standard-of-care pediatric policy information.

www.chop.edu – (under the “Health and Medical Information” tab)  A nicely organized website from one of the most well respected pediatric centers in the country.  The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia has prepared a great index of medical conditions, solid pediatric advice, quick health tips and a thorough vaccine information center.  The section on Common Emergencies is particularly good for on-the-spot advice about fevers, vomiting and other common symptoms.

www.kidshealth.org – This unique site has solid information with sections directed at parents, teens and children.  They do a particularly nice job on behavioral concerns, nutrition and fitness, and the section for children is really fun!  The articles are easy to read and understand, but not simplistic, and they cover the gamut including a recipe section!

www.webMd.com The childhood section of this well-established free-access site does a fine job explaining the most commonly discussed pediatric topics, from child growth and development to all the common illnesses as well.  It remains a place where sensible, well-founded information can be obtained without sensationalism from the mass media.

Baby 411 – For those of you already in my practice with newborns, you know this is required reading.  If you could have only one book available, this is the one.  Almost any concern a baby can present is covered with practical, clearly written advice and guidance.  We urge you to have this book at home the day you arrive with your newborn, and check it before you call your doctor for anything non-urgent.  You’ll be very pleased.  (Also available; Toddler 411.)

Touchpoints – This is a wonderful resource for parents who find themselves frustrated about their child’s behavior, or who wish to avoid such frustration.  Recognized authority on infant behavior, Dr. T. Berry Brazelton wrote this sensible book to help parents be ready for all the little pitfalls created as their infants and children progress behaviorally.

1-2-3 Magic – Our very favorite guide to discipline in the two-year and above age group.  Want to avoid spoiling your child?  Sensible, concise and very effective.  Read it before the second birthday.  Dr. Phelan is a nationally recognized speaker.

How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk. – This wonderful old book by therapists Mazlish and Faber has helped hundreds of parents of my patients over the years reduce the yelling and pleading while improving the cooperation.  Best read during the preschool period, it is an easy to read practical guide, filled with “what do I do when this happens?” answers.

www.uptodate.com When doctors need to know the latest authoritative information on any clinical topic, this is where they go.  You may access the patient’s section for free.  You will not find a more reliable and up to date medical  reference resource.

 

Hey I’d love to hear what books or websites you find particularly useful from the parenting perspective.

No Vacation!

I took my family on the proverbial Spring break trip to our nation’s capital last week, with a very brief side trip to the other capital, New York.  About halfway through my son Louis is maximally p.o’d at us for waking him up early every day to go see or do something, and he exclaims, “This is no vacation!  This is just a stupid trip!  On a vacation you sleep in and relax!  You’re ruining my Spring break!!!”

I couldn’t argue with him on most of those points, I was exhausted by the time we got home.  Most of the sleep I got was in the passenger seat as my wife did her driving shifts.  But it was a worthwhile trip, I think.  Kind of one of those “I’m glad we showed the kids this stuff, they’re better off for it.”

So Washington was pretty crowded, after all it was Spring break for lots of families.  First thing everyone asks about is the Cherry Blossom trees, “Great time to go!”  Whatever, I can’t get too excited about trees in a city, especially when my “type A” is on display every time we walk a mile to get somewhere only to find an entry line snaking around the block.  So we saw the capitol building (from outside), and we saw the White House (from outside), and we saw the National Archives where they keep the Constitution (from outside), etc.  We never got in to any of those venues, too bad.  But we did spend time in the Air and Space Museum, which was pretty cool, especially seeing the original Wright Brother’s airplane.  And we made a couple trips into the National Art Museum which wasn’t crowded at all, and was probably the highlight for me.  I really love looking at paintings from past centuries, especially village scenes and such, I like seeing how people lived in times past.  Sam, my older boy really enjoyed the Rembrandt school paintings, the tightness of the work, realism.  He’s planning on becoming an engineer.  We did see the Lincoln and Washington Memorials, those were worthwhile.  Lots of walking.

So we did it.  It won’t happen again, but now they can say they’ve “been there done that” and frankly I had not seen this stuff either, so I’m glad I went as well.  I was never much for beaches anyway, and there is some perspective to be gained, seeing the memorials and the seat of our government.  I must admit it was impressive, and I was pleased to feel positive about the experience, because I’m pretty sure if I had done this before Obama came to office I would feel pretty negative, embarrassed, pessimistic.  I had a sense of recovery being there; we’re recovering a little of our national pride perhaps, or at least there’s reason to hope, to feel like the US is heading back to a better place ethically, that our administration has energy and vision and sound principles after such a bleak period under the prior administration.

The sights would have been the same had we gone a year ago, but my feelings would have been different, especially showing the kids all that, would have been tough really.

How do you look at your kids and  engender pride in citizenship when the government leaders appear insensitive, stupid or morally deranged?  Oh, and by the way, we voted them into office.  I’m the least politically involved person I know.  I vote, I watch, and keep my opinions to myself.  Being that way, I guess I realized on this trip that I was pretty angry at our  government.

A few years ago I gave up on the Cubs.  All my life I’ve been a fan, and like others, every year there was disappointment, embarrassment, a let-down feeling.  Finally another season of hope, then failure, and watching them mope around the field one day… I just gave up.  I was done.  Too many disappointments.  I haven’t gone back.  I hear they’re better now.

But like the Cubs, maybe America is getting better also, as hard as it might be to think positive in the midst of this economic crisis, at least the moral crisis is over, and I think we’re getting better now.  And if my kids got anything positive from this trip, I hope it is the realization that you can’t be a fair-weather fan of your country, you’re stuck with it.  So pay attention, there’s a lot to be proud of, but you gotta pay attention.

… but best not to go during Spring break.